There are only 2 ways to live our lives, as victims or as victors. At the cabin of control or at the trenches, because anything else is just denial and a guaranteed way to skew our journey towards fulfillment. And if we don’t understand this, we probably have not understood life yet.
It is an undeniable truth that we are all victims at some point and victimizers at others. At times, when we least expect it we get hurt by those we never thought would hurt us. We rarely see it coming. Others, even when we try our best not to, we hurt those we love. I guess it’s part of the human experience to balance between both edges back and forth. Perhaps that’s exactly what growth and maturity means, to achieve a well-balanced quasi neutral experience between unintentionally hurting others and being hurt.
It is equally true that we are victimizers at some point as well. As the old saying goes,“ we are all bad in someone’s story.” I am sure some would differ on occasions, stating that they acted in self-defense or perhaps were in self-preservation mode. This is because we all interpret events with our own level of awareness and perceptual capacity. I cannot argue with someone who hasn’t experienced any type of loss, how painful it is to cry yourself to sleep at 3 am, and wake up hoping that it was all a bad dream. This experience is simply not in their memory bank, nor engraved in their senses. This type of realization does not happen a priori.
As victims, we ought to grieve and heal, as victimizers we must reflect and mend the harm we’ve caused. As players in both roles, we ought to be transmuted, we must not remain the same. Pain changes people, so does the realization that hurting others hurts us before the other.
Nonetheless, being entitled to these human experiences by default does not mean we adopt a mindset limited to either. To choose to live in the victim/victimizer cycle is to choose to hurt over and over again. It means to choose to give up on the greatness we were born to be, on the infinite possibilities for happiness that awaits us, and wallow in the sadness of the ghosted memories of what once was and no longer is. It means to keep alive the damage caused by those who passed by our life ungraciously.
Why? Really why?
Adversity is not a home, it’s one of the roads that lead to home. You can slow down if the journey feels overwhelming, you can reach out for help if the load becomes something you cannot bear on your own. I’d even advise you to grab a chair and sit there for some time reflecting. But no matter what, you are not allowed to settle there. Adversity taught me so much about myself, so much about life, and above all so much about the people in my life. It was a sifter for unwelcomed beliefs and people, aspects of my life that no longer served me and hindered my becoming. In the end, I rather believe that I choose to be a victor every day of my journey, even though sometimes I don’t feel like a winner. Some days, I am overburdened by the world, or the nostalgic memories of what will never be. Yet, I accept this fragile part of my humanity, and constantly make the choice and align the effort to continue my journey towards victory; i.e. Growth.